December 2007 Archives

Quothe my cousin, regarding this anti-abortion website:

I found it rather amusing that two important "q's" for the "q and a's" stated that answers would be "coming soon" ?!!?

Love,
Dan

What the crap?  Check out this insulting lede from the NY Times obituary for Bhutto: 

The daughter of one of Pakistan's most flamboyant and democratically inclined prime ministers, Benazir Bhutto, 54, served two turbulent tenures of her own in that post.

Really?  The first female leader of a post-colonial Muslim nation dies and you talk about her father's job before her own?  Gross.

Love
Dan

UPDATE: 9:30pm
My dad has pointed out that story on the Times website no longer contains that language.  How odd that the internet has newspapers publishing DRAFTS of their stories before they settle on a final version.

I don't know why I'm so shocked that Benazir Bhutto was assassinated today.  For some reason, I was really confident that she would triumph against her detractors, (re)ascend to the government of Pakistan, destroy the Taliban, bring back the dodos, end global warming, establish world peace, and reunite Sleater-Kinney.  I don't know why I was so starry-eyed about the whole thing.

I hope her death inspires women around the world to stand up for themselves and their principles.

This sucks.
Love
Dan

I'm fascinated by this paragraph about Rudy Giuliani (originally printed here):

As mayor, he made headlines in 1995, when he had Arafat ejected from a concert at Lincoln Center. In a speech to the Republican Jewish Coalition this fall, Rudy pointed to this incident as emblematic of his leadership style: “I didn’t hesitate, like Hillary Clinton hesitates to answer questions on what she’s going to do about Iran. I didn’t seek to negotiate with him, like Barack Obama would do or says he’d do with these people. I didn’t call for a team of lawyers to help me. … I just made a decision. See, I lead. That’s what [being a] leader is about.”

Let's repeat that last thought: I just made a decision.  See, I lead.  That's what being a leader is about.  There's something so laughably undemocratic about that interpretation of "leadership" that it's almost hard to believe he's running for office in the first place.  I mean, TECHNICALLY, in the ABSTRACT, it doesn't make sense -- why would someone whose sense of leadership is so overtly dictatorial be interested in managing a republic?  Then again, the executive branch has so much sovereign, un-checked power after eight years of George Bush that perhaps the presidency is now uniquely suited to Giuliani's worldview of "just making decisions" without pesky time-wasters like CONVERSATION.

I shudder to think that our next president might actually be WORSE than the one we have now.

Love
Dan

This weekend, between feverish bouts of cleaning and art-making, a bunch of anti-folk kids and anti-folk kids-in-law got together to make Christmas. 


A JEW IS BORN: A Very Anti-Folk Christmas
directed by Helen Schreiner
improvised at Olive Juice Studios, Christmas 2007

Starring: Nan Turner as The Virgin Mary, Major Matt Mason as Joseph, Jeffrey Lewis as a Donkey, Andrew Hoepfner as Fred Savage, Oliver as Columbo, Helen Schreiner as the Angel, Cole Escola as Jesus and the Bitchy Innkeeper, Dashan Coram as Northstar, Liv Carrow as a Wise Man, Sibsi as a Wise Man, Jacinta as a Wise Man, Christine as a Sheep, Daoud Tyler-Ameen as the Little Drummer Boy, Dan Fishback as a Goat

Please forgive us.
Love
Dan

Did I tell you I got a new camera?  This is the first video I shot.  It's the miraculous Dave End.  On my couch.



Pretty soon, this blog will turn into a TV channel.  Our first series will be called In Bed With Dave End, and it will involve Dave interviewing people on his bed.  I kinda want to do an interview show too, but something really brainy and formal.  I'm also hoping Joyce Conner will be into signing onto the network.  Does anyone else want their own TV show?

I'm really into this camera.  I'm spending all week putting together elements for my new video performance, ABSENTIA DEMENTIA.  I'll be presenting it as the opening act of Joseph Keckler's tender one-man show, Cat Lady, on January 17th at Dixon Place.  I was originally supposed to star in my own musical that night, but then I realized I have to be out of town, so I scrapped that plan and started this video piece, which revolves around the fact that I'm not even there.

I'm really startled how much I enjoy editing video.  Maybe I'll become a filmmaker?  I'm only 26, it's not too late.

Anything can happen, man.
Love
Dan

This is my Happy Place:


I drew my Happy Place on a stickie, colored it with crayons, and taped it next to my monitor at work.  When I'm stressed out, I stare at it for five seconds, suddenly feel better, and return to the task at hand.  I'm thinking of making more Happy Places, and selling them on the internet.  Want me to custom-make your Happy Place?  I will totally do it.

Love
Dan

Remember that woman who was raped by a bunch of her Halliburton co-workers, only to have her company (and more or less her government) systematically cover up the case?  Apparently this happens all the time. 

Three new women have come forward, but they cannot sue because of "an agreement they signed at hiring requiring them to settle disputes through private arbitration."  Jamie Leigh Jones, the first woman to go public, has been speaking out. 

"What is to stop these companies from victimizing women in the future?" Jones said. "The U.S. government has to provide people with their day in court when they have been raped and assaulted by other American citizens. Otherwise we are not only deprived of our justice in the criminal courts but in the civil courts as well. The laws have left us nowhere to turn."

Love,
Dan

From: danfishback@gmail.com
To: [PARENTS EMAIL ADDRESS REDACTED]
Sent: Wed, 19 Dec 2007  5:21:46 PM Eastern Standard Time
Subject: Re: Re: New York

i have only witnessed murders of the SOUL.

-----Original Message-----
From: [PARENTS EMAIL ADDRESS REDACTED]
To: danfishback@gmail.com
Sent: Wed, 19 Dec 2007  5:20:20 PM Eastern Standard Time
Subject: Re: New York

!!!!!!!!!

-----Original Message-----
From: [SOMEONE'S EMAIL ADDRESS REDACTED]
To: [PARENTS EMAIL ADDRESS REDACTED]
Sent: Wed, 19 Dec 2007  5:10:02 PM Eastern Standard Time
Subject: New York

David,
In New York we have been reading about a murder trial, recently
concluded,
where a witness is named Daniel Fishback.  Is this OUR Daniel
Fishback?  If so, how horrid to have seen such brutality.
Anyway, hope you and Bobbi enjoy the holidays.
All the best,  [SOMEONE'S NAME]

It felt like 300 people were waiting on the uptown F Train platform this morning.  I thought about running outside and hopping into a cab, but after thirty minutes, figured I was in it to win it.  The presence of so many people, all packed together, was getting annoying, so I decided to turn it around and make a list of situations in which I'd be happy to see lots of people:

1. An anti-war protest
2. An economic rights protest
3. A civil rights protest
4. An environmental protest
5. An audience
6. A dance party

I started imagining the people around me in different situations, chanting slogans or doing the hustle.  I put on my headphones and listened to Ardi's 90s techno mix, dancing only with my toes.  When the train finally arrived, I squeezed inside, pressed against two really hot indie boys who had been watching my toes the whole time.  I looked through the windows and saw Dibs, on the downtown platform, reading a book.

I've had a pretty good morning.
Love
Dan

Note to self:

Don't give up until you try again, just one more time.

As soon as I can truly, honestly respond, "Okay, yes, of course," I'll go to bed.
Love
Dan

Did I ever tell you that my brother and I used to write He-Man fan-fiction?  We collaborated on a teleplay called "Get Them."  I'm thinking about this because my boss just said, "Get her on the phone."  For a brief moment, it felt like we were Skeletor and Beast Man.  "Get her!"  This was very satisfying.


I'm going to write later about dreams.
Love
Dan

I felt such joy upon reading these words, coming from Khaela Maricich of The Blow:

"I would like to be able to talk to people about a little bit more than just my own feelings about relationships. There’s greater problems to deal with, but that’s so subtle; you have to walk that so delicately to talk about anything bigger."

Yes, please!  I think you're great!
Love
Dan

Please read THIS NY TIMES ARTICLE about systematic vigilante executions of homosexuals in Iraq.  This quote is particularly heartbreaking:

“We thought that with the presence of Americans, life would become paradise, that Iraq would be Westernized,” Mohammed said. “But unfortunately the way things were before was so much better than where we are now.”

It's about time the mainstream press started covering this story.

Love
Dan

Early this morning, before I left my apartment, I saw two videos that, when juxtaposed, feel particularly sinister. The first one is, sinisterly enough, from The View:



The next one is from a film called "Fall From Grace," about Fred Phelps and the "God Hates Fags" movement:



Love,
Dan

I just finished watching "Me and You and Everyone We Know," a movie I expected to underwhelm me, since most of my friends told me it would.  It did not.  I loved it.  It was beautiful.

My room is pretty much ugly.

My mirror used to have a frame, but the frame fell off.  Then the bottom broke off, so I turned it upside down, and now the broken part is on top.  It's leaning up against an old table-cloth that I duck-taped to my wall for no particular reason.  I can't really nail it to my wall, because the wall is incredibly hard, and it's difficult to poke holes in it.  There's one good hole - that's where I put the calendar Katherine gave me.  There used to be another hole, where I had a portrait of Sholom Aleichem, but it fell off, and the frame broke, and now I have to buy a new frame.  The hole closed up.  The wall has its own immune system.

"Me You and Everyone We Know" was very beautiful, and sometimes I wish I made art that is beautiful.  I don't.  I make art that is interesting.  And useful.  And engaging.  But it's rarely "beautiful."

I'm very mistrustful of beauty.  I was once holding this boy.  It was nighttime.  We were in a treehouse.  We were watching a romantic comedy on a TV set that we carried into the treehouse, which was connected to an electrical socket through a series of extension chords.  Our friend went inside to use the bathroom, so we stopped the tape, and the screen went blue, so the boy was blue too.  He looked like a Smurf.  He was shirtless, and that increased his Smurfishness.  He looked so beautiful, and I kept thinking, "You are beautiful.  You are beautiful."  He looked like he was about to say something very important, so I listened carefully.  He opened his mouth, paused, looked contemplative, and finally said, "My best color is white, but I also look good in khaki."

I'm very mistrustful of beauty.

I have spring allergies.

I don't make beautiful art, but sometimes I think I might like to.  Except I don't think I really know how.

Here are some more pictures of my ugly room:


Love
Dan

This is so inspiring.  I've never seen anyone succeed at doing this before.  Ever.




Love,
Dan

See, I wasn't making this stuff up.  We're doing the next reading of my play in March.  We'll expound a bit on what this guy has to say:



Love
Dan

If seeing Kiki and Herb at Joe's Pub last spring was like going to church, seeing them at Carnegie Hall last night was like receiving the Ten Commandments at Mount Sinai.

Schulman got us these sweet New Yorker seats in the tenth row, a much more intimate location than when I saw Ani Difranco there, years ago, pressed against the ceiling, a mile away from the action, such that the audio was barely even in synch with her arm movements.  This was much, much better than that. 

The front section was sort of the dignitary pit.  We sat behind Alan Cumming, and I considered tapping him on the shoulder and going, "Hi, you probably don't remember, but you once said my name on television."  I restrained myself.  Actually I restrained myself from saying a lot of stupid things to a lot of famous people.  (P.S.: I saw Laurie Anderson walk into Whole Foods this morning, and restrained myself from following her and snooping in her shopping cart.)

Regardless, the show was beautiful and sloppy and regal in a way that only Justin Bond can accomplish.  Truths were told, scoundrels excoriated, histories recounted and beauties summoned.  He entered the stage with a huge sparkly black walking stick, raised to the heavens, like Charlton Heston in the Ten Commandments, only sparklier.  (I didn't plan on revisiting the earlier Moses metaphor, it just happened.)

Justin is at his most emotive when he forgets the lyrics, and at his most eloquent when his character is a drunken mess.  Highlights for me were "Psycho Killer," "Moments of Pleasure" (a Kate Bush song I never cared for until last night), and, astoundingly, "Crucify," which I saw Tori Amos destroy in October, and which was redeemed at this performance.  I had forgotten what that song was actually about.  I don't think the words had meaning for me since 1996.  He finished the song by running around stage going, "I'm in chains!  I'm in chains!" and, through the ridiculousness of the statement, I realized the ridiculousness of its truth -- a sort of ass-backwards epistemological magic trick that's tantamount to performance art voodoo.

Even aside from the miraculous, metaphysical nature of the performance itself, it was just so edifying to see someone so right-on in a place so old school.  Like at their Broadway run, when the pre-show soundtrack included Julie Ruin songs about killing misogynist policemen.  In fancy rooms like that, where great leftist performers are honored, I feel safe, in a totally un-complacent way, because it reminds me that I don't feel safe otherwise.  That's a productive reminder.

Afterwards, Schulman and Keckler and I took a cab to the after-party at the National Arts Club, which felt alternatively like a crazy old lady's sitting room, the basement of a reconstructionist synagogue, and the inside of a thrift store lamp.  Also, people and trees have roots:


The mandatory coat check gave Schulman and me traumatic flashbacks to the Butt Magazine Book Release Party when there was a big gay coat check riot in the basement, and hundreds of people spent an hour squished against each other, furiously text messaging their friends and threatening the heavens to "blog about this bullshit!"  Once outerwear was disposed of, I was relieved to participate in my favorite crowded fancy party activity: Sitting With Friends on a Couch in the Corner and Talking to Whoever Passes By.  In this manner, I met some indelibly charming folks and had a lovely time. 

On the train ride home, I ran into Dan Costello, Ivan Sandomire and Rob Apuzzo, which reminded me that, in my other life, I mostly hang out with grungy heterosexual guitar players.  Ivan introduced me to his lady friend as a "Sidewalk person."  She said, "Oh really?  That place is like my living room!"  I said, "Mine too," and found it equal parts troubling and delightful that we could both feel such ownership over and intimacy with a public place like the Sidewalk Cafe, and not even know each other.  She said, "You should come around more often."  I agreed with her.  I should go everywhere more often.

Love
Dan

Some images from Sunday's show, courtesy of master photographer/singer/disappearing artist Eric Lippe:

Dave End, take note!  Barbara Ehrenreich is waging war with Disney in the Nation this month.  Check out this amazing lede:

Contrary to the rumors I have been trying to spread for some time, Disney Princess products are not contaminated with lead. More careful analysis shows that the entire product line--books, DVDs, ball gowns, necklaces, toy cell phones, toothbrush holders, T-shirts, lunch boxes, backpacks, wallpaper, sheets, stickers etc.--is saturated with a particularly potent time-release form of the date rape drug.

Last night, we went to see the Lesbian Overtones Interfaith Holiday Spectacular on a double bill with Erin Markey's astonishing solo show, "Puppy Love: a Stripper's Tale."  It was sort of the only context in which I can hear Christmas carols and not cringe.  They're doing it again next Tuesday!  You should go!

Love,
Dan

1. This apple tastes like a mochaccino.

2. Last night, some folks came over, and we decided to watch my current vice, the dreaded QAF tapes.  It didn't work.  PHASE OVER.

3. The reading, I feel, was 40% great success, 40% neutral and 20% failure, which is, I think, quite good for the first reading of a work-in-progress.  I have some pertinent meetings over the next few weeks, and we'll see what happens.

4. Did you notice the TAX-DEDUCTIBLE DONATIONS link on the left?

5. A 21-year-old boy in Iran was recently executed for having sex with a 13-year-old boy WHEN HE, HIMSELF, WAS 13 YEARS OLD.

6. Our government has apparently been conspiring with Halliburton to cover up the gang-rape of a young woman by Halliburton employees in Baghdad.

7. Those last two items were really depressing, so here's something to cheer you up:




Love,
Dan

Last night, in a particularly intense East Village sprint, I ran from Rapture Cafe, where Joseph Keckler was reading new material, to Sidewalk Cafe, where Urban Barnyard was singing old material.  Joseph and Urban Barnyard are both incredibly adept at making the banal seem holy, and, since I've spent the past few months trying to systematically portray the holy as banal, this was a welcome change of pace.  I lost most of my composure during UB's Casey-penned song about gorillas in the zoo looking disdainfully out on all the ridiculous people.  I could see that gorilla staring at me, and I did indeed feel ridiculous.  Most of that ridiculousness felt tragic.  Maybe 65%.  I should go visit the gorillas and find out what's up.

I ran into Joseph again, outside, and told him that he renews my faith in autobiographical solo performance.  I meant this very much, and I've been thinking about it a lot.  Still, I doubt I'll be recounting personal tales in public anytime soon, since I've been purging most of that urge on this here website. 

Tomorrow night, if you come to Dixon Place, you'll get to see the first reading of my new play, "The Last Chanukah," which I've been writing since August, and working on more abstractly since March, 2006.  This is the seventh version of the script, and if you read this journal, you probably have a sense of how crazy I've gotten during the playwriting process.  I don't feel crazy anymore.  I feel proud.  And optimistic for the future of this project.

THE LAST CHANUKAH: a work in progress
written by Dan Fishback
directed by Daniel Safer
Sunday, December 9th, 8pm
Dixon Place (258 Bowery), FREE
Complimentary refreshments will be available, and a talk-back will take place immediately following the reading.

Starring: Julie Lake, Jonathan Spivey, Jonathan Kline, Castrato DiMatteo, La John Joseph, Joseph Keckler, Erin Markey, Glenn Marla, Max Steele, Thain Torres, and Dan Fishback

To save his race from extinction, Mr. Fleishman decides to impregnate hundreds of Jewish women. So he sends Jonah, his nerdy young tenant, to visit the rabbis of New York, soliciting lists of eligible wombs. Meanwhile, a sickly young Jewess, crippled by her sense of social responsibility, locks herself in her room where she descends into dementia. In her nightmares, she becomes Anne Frankenstein, a pessimistic Dutch teenage monster who kills and cannibalizes anti-Semites (and then writes about it in her diary). When their stories are interrupted by the 2nd grade class of the Rizzo Rosenblat Radical Elementary School for Progressive Jewish Education and Calisthenics, tantrums are had, tears are shed, and everyone experiences believable character arcs.

The Six Points Fellowship for Emerging Jewish Artists is a partnership of Avoda Arts, JDub Records, and the Foundation for Jewish Culture, and is made possible with major funding from UJA-Federation of New York.

http://www.sixpointsfellowship.com

Tonight, after rehearsal, I found myself without an immediate task.  It felt alien.  For months, my life has been scheduled by the half-hour.  Suddenly, I had...free time.  I felt some sort of existential crisis gathering strength in the back of my head, so I did what I always do in those situations: I called Dibs and ran to his house to make dinner.

Dibs lives way out on the M train, so deep into Brooklyn it isn't even Brooklyn anymore.  It's Queens.  I played with the cat.  He and Liv and I bought too-expensive wine for no particular reason, and pesto.  We made a delicious pasta sauce, and watched videos on YouTube.  It was exactly what I needed.  But I was also distracted by momentary flashes of myself in 10 years, 20 years, 30 years: a single gay man who, in times of crisis, runs to the suburbs to leach off of the domestic bliss of his heterosexual friends and their cat.  This is, of course, a needlessly pessimistic perspective.  But it doesn't mean I shouldn't add new, personally productive options to my list of Emotional Gloom Alternatives.   "Spooning," for instance, would fit nicely on that list.

Anyone?
Love
Dan

***********************************************************************************************************************************

'areadin on the L, circa 12:15 am (sat night). - m4m - 24

---

Reply to: pers-496013228@craigslist.org
Date: 2007-12-02, 2:18AM EST


To the semi(?)-bearded young sir reading on the L Train, boarding at Union Square.
Madame Bovary is Hot. And so is escaping provincial life via sexual indiscretion.

Bet you never thought you'd have one of these written about you.

Perhaps you noticed a fellow reader. Funny, that.
We both exited at Lorimer, one after the other.

***********************************************************************************************************************************

It's flurrying outside.  The word "flurrying" is almost as lovely as the fact of it.
Love
Dan

Meanwhile, in no particular order...

1. This PSA was censored from Canadian TV:



2. A gay Iranian man who has lived in Maryland for 17 years is set to be DEPORTED to his country, where he will face harassment (certainly), torture (probably), and murder (likely).  He has not been granted asylum.

3. Inspectors find no nuclear weapons programs in Iran, which is NOT good news, according to President Bush, because it means THEY COULD STILL BUILD ONE.   If that's not good enough reason to go to war, I don't know what is!

4. I recommend listening to my old professor Al Filreis read this story by Amos Oz.

5. We snagged press passes for the Kiki and Herb show at Carnegie Hall.  Justin Bond will make sense of everything bad in the universe, and we will all leave the theater better equipped to fight it.

6. As usual, a few days before my own work premieres, I become convinced that I am a dilettante, an amateur, and a fraud.  I will probably unconvince myself of this tomorrow.

Love
Dan

So, as usual, in the days leading up to a big, stressful event, I concoct some sort of absurd escapist past-time for my free moments.  This week, as I prepare for my big reading on Sunday, I'm watching a lot of Queer As Folk.  (Over Thanksgiving, my brother gave me five VHS cassettes filled with episodes he taped off TV.) 

I'm struck by many things (how dated it feels, how my experience of the characters is totally different at 26 than it was even at 23, etc.), but honestly I want to keep most of that to myself.

What I really want to mention is that, just now, as I turned on the TV for background noise as I fold laundry, with the FULL intention of immediately pressing "play" to start the QAF cassette, I was stunned to see Gale Harold's face.  Because it was network television.  And he wasn't playing Brian Kinney.  He was playing a nazi on Grey's Anatomy.



No comment?
Love
Dan

I am moved to break my week of blog-silence.

The world as we know it has changed.

Quothe the press release: "4AD is pleased to announce the forthcoming world-wide release of Mountain Battles, the new album from The Breeders on Tuesday, April 8, 2008."

Praise.
Love,
Dan