July 2008 Archives

Thain gave me a Tarot reading at Eastern Bloc tonight.  Before I drew a card, he asked me what I wanted to focus on.  I said something like...

"I feel like I'm at this turning point... and there's a new path before me, but I'm resisting it... and I can't figure out if my resistance is Wisdom or Cowardice.  Basically: should I go down this new path?  Should I change what I've been doing?  Have I been doing something wrong?  Yeah, that's it.  Am I doing something wrong?  Am I doing something wrong?"

I picked a card and Thain said, immediately, "No."

I asked him what the card was called, and he told me.

"Victory."

Love
Dan

Manic days.  Total ecstasy one moment, then a glaze will set in.  It won't last long.  It never lasts long.  Just long enough to remind me to keep on my toes, to pay attention, to take naps and drink more water.

I went to Elizabeth's Big Lesbian Birthday Breakfast.  We talked about menstruation and families and conservatism.  Then Elizabeth led us in a meditation.  Somewhere in the middle of the ritual, she asked us to meditate on the following statements (paraphrased): "I wish to be safe.  I wish to be peaceful.  I wish to be happy."  I found this easy.  Then she asked us to think of a person in our lives, and wish those things for them.  I thought of a person immediately, but somehow could not bring myself to wish them safety, peace and happiness.  I tried.  I wanted to.  But the image of them in my brain somehow deflected the wish, like they were covered in some kind of force field.  So I picked a new person, and wished Dibs safety, peace and happiness.  That was much easier.

Elizabeth's next instruction was to imagine someone to whom we would have difficulty sending good wishes, and focus our mediation on them.  I was startled, that she would ask us to do what I had just then attempted.  But I tried again.  It was hard.

It made me wonder how loving I really am, what my intentions towards other human beings really are, what my generosity consists of, and how my sense of kindness translates in the world around me.

I am still wondering.

Also, I cannot, cannot, cannot, cannot, cannot stop listening to "Sometimes a Dream" from Liz Phair's Girlysound Demos.  Join me in my obsession HERE.

Love
Dan

Last night, I went from Staten Island to Ridgewood for Dibs' birthday party.  A few hours later, I went back to Staten Island for a 9-hour recording session.  Then Andrew and I drank 40s and watched Mary Poppins.

Goodnight!
Love
Dan

Last night I saw lightning with my eyes closed.

Then I woke up and accidentally touched someone's penis (and I'm REALLY EMBARRASSED ABOUT IT).

Love
Dan

I went to Staten Island again last night for recording.  Andrew made lentil pizza and we watched Dick Tracy.  I slept in a turret with ten windows.  We woke up again, recorded some more, and then I took the ferry into Manhattan for my weekly day of work.  (I'm working one day a week in exchange for health insurance.  I KNOW.)  Perhaps, most importantly, Andrew showed me this incredible video he made for his song "Bad Sad Mad."  I am flat-out jealous!  SO JEALOUS.


Love
Dan

I just sent out this newsletter:

Hello Friends,

It's a whole new life up in here!  I quit my day job (pretty much), and am now working on my own projects full-time.  Predictably, I've never been busier!  I wanted to give you all a run-down of what's been brewing.   Shows!  Recordings!  Books!  Thingies!  If, while you are reading this, you think, "THAT SOUNDS AMAZING - I WANT TO SUPPORT THAT!" then feel free to make a tax deductible donation right here.  What else are you going to do with your Receipt For The Destruction of the Federal Government? - oh I mean "Economic Stimulus Check."

Sending Much Love,
Dan


1. UK Tour
In two weeks, I'm returning to England for a mini solo tour.  I'll be seeing a lot of old friends, but most importantly (for me), I'll be playing Duckie - the coolest queer club night in the whole stinkin' world!  I am so very honored.  If you're on the island, come give us a hug!

Aug 1st: LONDON: The Windmill, 22 Blenheim Gardens, 8:00pm with Thomas Truax & David Cronnenberg's Wife
Aug 2nd: TBA (Anyone wanna play a show?)
Aug 3rd: BIRMINGHAM: The Sunflower Lounge, 76 Smallbrook Queensway, 7:30pm with The State of Georgia and more.
Aug 9th: LONDON: Duckie at The Royal Vauxhall Tavern, 372 Kennington Lane, doors 9:00pm, show 11:00pm.


2. NYC Shows
As soon as I get back from England, I'm launching right into the 2008 Summer Antifolk Festival...

Aug 13: 2008 SUMMER ANTIFOLK FESTIVAL, Sidewalk Cafe, 94 Avenue A, 7.30 Alisha Westerman, 8.00 Mad Happy, 8.30 Somer, 9.00 Casey Holford, 9.30 Eric Wolfson, 10.00 Dan Fishback, 11.00 Bernard King Presents, 12.00 Crabs On Banjo

...But it really gets out of control in September, when I return to the Sidewalk Cafe for a weekly residency.  I'm re-learning all my old songs, and I'm hoping that each show will have an almost entirely different setlist.  We're calling it...

THE DAN FISHBACK SONGBOOKS
The Sidewalk Cafe (94 Avenue A), 9pm, with special 8pm guests...
Sept 2nd: Creaky Boards
Sept 9th: Friday Nites with Matt Katz
Sept 16th: TBA
Sept 23rd: Novice Theory


3. Mammal
After starting our first session in late 2005, Casey Holford and I are finally set to finish my second studio album, "Mammal."  We have sessions lined up with guest artists like Andrew Hoepfner, Luis Illades, Matt Katz, Angela Carlucci and Dibson Hoffweiler.  We should be finished in September, but we won't release the album till 2009.  Check out the perpetually leaked single, "Some Boys are Bullies" at http://www.myspace.com/danfishback. 


4. B-Sides Album
While "Mammal" is full of big, anthemic rock and pop songs, I've set aside a collection of tinier folk tunes for a B-Sides album that I've been recording with Andrew Phillip Tipton on Staten Island.  It should be ready for my UK tour, and will be available at shows in August!


5. What Have They Done To You?
I'm following up last year's zine, "A Very Small Hole" with a new "book" -- a collection of scripts called "What Have They Done To You?"  It will include the text from my plays "Please Let Me Love You" and "Waiting for Barbara," and hopefully some other goodies.  This should also be available on my UK Tour, and online very soon.


6. College Workshops
This fall, I'll be visiting various universities to speak about Queerness and Jewishness, and how I kinda think they're the same thing.  If you're a student and want me to visit you, email me!  You'd be shocked to discover how easy it is to make this happen!


7. You Will Experience Silence
After a few radically different readings, I'm once again re-working my new play, "YOU WILL EXPERIENCE SILENCE (or 'The Last Chanukah').  We'll be doing another reading, tentatively in October, and the show should run sometime early next year! 


8. Blog
I am still writing that darn blog at http://www.danfishback.com.  Check it out for almost-daily updates on my projects and my drinking!

A small elf has been producing my new b-sides album...

Ani Difranco Songs I Sang on the Way To The Ani Difranco Concert:

-"Going Down"
-"Angry Anymore"
-"Cradle and All"
-"Know Now Then"
-"Jukebox"
-"A Light of Some Kind"
-"Swing"

Tonight, we danced with Kimya Dawson at the Ani Difranco show. By "we" I mean Underthrust.  By "Underthrust" I mean the all-star, anti-folk, DIY dance troupe that only rehearses while drinking beer and eating pizza (theoretically).  Ani's crew was super friendly!  They seemed excited to see us stretching in the wings.   I guess when you're on the road all the time setting up the same show, it's refreshing to see a bunch of bouncy happy people wearing differently-colored laundry bags and superhero tights. 

We did the same "I Like Giants" dance that we did at Webster Hall, and followed it up with an improvisational performance to "Rollercoaster," during which we took off our bags and ran around the stage waving them like flags.   We also rolled around and did lots of lunges.

After Kimya's set, we were all jumping around backstage when Ani walked past us and smiled enthusiastically.  I thought this was a very CLASSY way to both acknowledge/appreciate us AND avoid having to do the whole weird rockstar/fan conversation thing.  I know I really dislike meeting my heroes.  My experience of Ani Difranco was already COMPLETE.  And fulfilling.  Her music and attitude completely changed my life, focused my creative energy, and largely inspired my ventures as a folksinger.  I've worked really hard to follow through on those impulses, and I think I've succeeded pretty modestly.  So, at this point, I don't need any icing on this here cake.  This cake is delicious.  This cake is done.  Ani smiles at me and my friends.  We smile back.  I'm a folksinger.  Going on tour again in two weeks.  With a copy of "Not a Pretty Girl" in my bag.  Full circle.  Amen.  Glory.  Praise.  Sisterhood.  Respect.

We watched Ani's set in full costume, in the middle of the theater.  She played a beautiful show, but I felt less invested than I used to.  I took mental notes.  Tricks.  Pacing strategies.  Vocal embellishments.  Banter navigation.  It was a master class.  From the real master.  Dave and I tried to calculate how many shows she's played, ever.  At least 5000?  The ultimate.  The sensei.  The teacher on the hilltop.  No?

We hung out for a few hours afterwards, in a tiny room where Beau told us stories about moving to NYC in the 60s, going to see performances by Merce Cunningham and John Cage.   Panda picked some boogers.  All was as it should be.

All of these things?  Wonderful.  But honestly.  It paled in comparison to the first half of the day.  Dibs turned 25, so I took him on a birthday adventure.  We made breakfast.  Went uptown.  Experienced the life and work of Buckminster Fuller at the Whitney Museum, along with polaroids by Robert Mappelthorpe and killer architecture installations by Paul McCarthy (and by "killer," I mean they could literally murder you).  It felt like the Whitney knew it was Dibs' birthday, and curated these exhibits just for him.

It feels good to realize that a friend is actually, in truth, in the greatest truth, family.  It feels even better to realize this over and over and over and over again.

Moral of the day: Performances and Rockstars and Audiences and Dreams Come True are AMAZING.  Best friends, however, are AMAZING SQUARED.

Awwwwwwwwwwwwww!

Much Love
Dan

With enough clout in yr industry, they'll let you do anything.  I find this so compelling:


Love
Dan

Elizabeth, Joseph and I made a bed on the roof.  The sun was rising, and we wanted to see it happen as we drifted off.  I was sitting on a towel, staring at the antenna of a skyscraper on the horizon, when I realized it was growing.  And zig-zagging.  Then I realized it was the trail of an airplane.  Elizabeth thought it was a rocket, because it was going straight up.  Then we realized it only looked like it was going straight up.  It was actually heading right toward us.  We hadn't accounted for the curvature of the earth.  I kept watching the plane as my friends fell asleep, for ten minutes or so, as it went over my head and eventually straight down, as though it was going to crash.  It, of course, didn't.

Three hours later, the sun was blaring so brightly that we took off our clothes and got a tan.

A few hours after that, I saw the Breeders in McCarren Park.  A girl tried to crowd surf, but only stayed aloft for a few seconds.  Simultaneous Dan/Max reactions:

Dan: You're 10 years late!
Max: Have you learned nothing from Woodstock 99?!

Yesterday was the first Monday of my new, virtually day-jobless life.  I accomplished so much.  I want to accomplish more. 

Tomorrow I'm performing with Ani Difranco.  What?

Who's life is this?!

A few weeks ago, Andrew Hoepfner and I were walking past Tompkins Square Park, where there was some kind of bike convention.  Kids on bicycles, just swarming around like bees.  We didn't really acknowledge it at first, but then Andrew said, "If we were on tour, we'd stop to talk to these people, and take pictures, and email all our friends about it.  We'd be like, 'Wow, this is amazing.'"  And so I've been trying to experience New York as though I don't live here.  As though I'm on tour.  Sleeping on rooftops.  Etc.  Joy.

Love
Dan

I'm plotting my big break.  Clearing away enormous swaths of TIME.  Lippe was telling us about Breathairians last night - people who believe that food is poison, that all you need is good, clean air, inhaled properly.  I don't know about that.  But I'm starting to think that maybe I could eat TIME.  Like, instead of food.  Just time.  Delicious.  Dribbling down my goddamn face.  Excuse me while I lick it off.

Meanwhile:

Cole and his friend Jeffrey have officially raised the bar for messed up internet videos.  Is it weird to feel proud?


Love
Dan

I'm listening to WNYC and heard an advertisement for Canadian diamonds.  Their tagline is "Luxury with a Conscience."  Which begs the question: CAN you have luxury with a conscience?  Is luxury moral?  Discuss!

Love
Dan

Alternative Dream Theory: Regarding the Cockroach Coincidence from my last post, my guru Matt Katz hypothesizes that, when I hit the cockroach, the psychic force of my blow created a tesseract, propelling the dry parts of the bug through a crack in space-time, towards the person I was thinking about, along with my dream about him.  Duh!  I don't know why I didn't think of that before.

I'm still going to talk about Pride Weekend and the Last Anti-Hoot eventually.

In the meantime, in my 30-second break between urgent tasks...

1. I read Watchmen.
2. I installed an air conditioner, and I'm paranoid that it's gonna fall out the window and kill someone, even though I secured it pretty well, and the window faces a courtyard/junkyard where no one ever goes.
3. I stayed up really late with Joseph, Thain and Allan to watch Beyond the Valley of the Dolls, a film I was not prepared for.  When it was over, Thain did things around the room while Joseph, Allan and I curled up in bed and discussed whether or not the world is about to end.  My position was: No, it's not going to end.  Joseph's position was: Please tell me it's not going to end.  Allan's position was: Curled up.
4. The Pansy Division song "Political Asshole" is preceded by a man's voice saying, "...you will drink the black sperm of my VENGEANCE!"  I must have listened to that song a thousand times, but I never knew where that line came from.  So, in Beyond the Valley of the Dolls, when Z-Man  was about to murder a loin-clothed straight guy who had sexually rejected him, I started to feel the pangs of recognition, and as soon as he said "...you will," I joined in for the remainder of his proclamation.  My companions were frightened.  I had never seen the movie before.  Was I possessed?  Luis, was I?

Love
Dan

Yesterday, when I saw Christian Siriano on the subway, I immediately looked down to check myself, but everything was okay: my outfit was fine.  I saw Jessica Lange five minutes later, and didn't care how I looked.

Sunday night, I had a dream about a friend, but the dream was interrupted when, in real life, something crawled across my arm.  I turned on the light to find an enormous cockroach scrambling onto the wall.  I hit it with a shoe and puss splattered all over the white paint.  I cleaned up the liquid, but couldn't find the body.

That next morning, the same friend told me he had a dream about me.  He dreamed we were at a That Dog reunion concert.  I didn't think Anna Waronker would show up, but he had faith that she would pull through.  He woke up when his cat brought him the body of a dead cockroach.  It was dry, and shattered at the touch. 

Conclusion: His cat snuck into my apartment, stole the dry parts of the cockroach, and gave us dreams about each other.

This makes me think of the following songs:

"Fire Door" - Ani Difranco
"Shatter" - Liz Phair
"Mothers Day" - Dream Bitches
"Sharkey's Day" - Laurie Anderson


More soon, re: Pride Weekend, Street Harassment, Last Anti-Hoot...

Love
Dan